Sunday, November 1, 2009

Circle of Lies

If you are a woman for whom relational fulfillment seems to always be out of your grasp, you are not alone. In fact, you are just one of millions who feel just the way that you do. Different women are aware of their dissatisfaction in varying degrees. Many women seek relational fulfillment through careers, and are frustrated by the fact that no matter how much they excel, they never seem to be satisfied. Many women seek fulfillment by excelling in family life- being the perfect wife or mother.

If you are a man who never seems to please your woman, regardless of how you exceed her expectations for a husband or father, you are not alone.

Men and women equally victimized by the "circle of lies". Because I consider myself a true feminist and not a "man-hater", I am surprised by my latest epiphany. Although what I am about to reveal is no secret, it is a fact that is hidden in plain sight. This is such common sense knowledge that it has eluded us only because we are unwilling to admit it.

Girls, consider all the books you've read and the movies that you've seen from adolescence to present day. Think about all the romantic comedies and dramas that involve a relationship between a man and a woman. I realize that logically we recognize that these are entertainment, and we would really like to believe that we do not let entertainment affect our expectations for life. Nevertheless, by design, women are created to be inspired by art and learn about life from other women. Unfortunately our instincts do not differentiate between real stories and fantasy. Consider your favorite romantic story and examine all the characteristics that the male character displays. Most of the time the man pursues the woman with a fiery passion, undeterred by villains or circumstances. He admires her independence, intelligence and beauty above all other women. He typically forgives her for some great indiscretion and humbles himself to be with her. The woman, on the other hand, is not easily convinced that she wants to commit to him. She is distracted by something else- career, person, or independence. She does not "need" him and thinks perhaps she would like to wait for someone or something more exciting to come along. He pursues her nonetheless.

Please understand that I love men, most of all my husband, but I have never known a man to portray these characteristics. I realize that I am dealing in generalizations and stereotypes, but they are for the most part true. The reason that we are inspired by these stories and swoon for these men, is because the men are most likely a portrayal of ourselves. Typically women will sacrifice all for love, wait for the one they love, and pursue someone regardless of villain or circumstance. On the other hand, men do pursue women, but if it becomes inconvenient or uncomfortable, they will generally cut their losses and find someone else to pursue. I believe with all my heart that men are incapable of loving women they way that we expect to be loved. They are incapable because it goes against their instincts. We only expect to be loved this way, because we have portrayed ourselves in our entertainment and given the character a virile, masculine body. Have we truly been awaiting our very own fantasies? I would love to hear your input. Before you comment, though, dig deep within your soul and force yourself to be honest.

1 comment:

  1. I don't know that I've ever met a woman who was truly satisfied with her situation. Even when we have the common sense to know that we are in a good situation, there is usually a longing for something else that we may or may not be able to articulate. The longing comes from deep within us and is usually irreconcilable with our common sense.